@desusnice
Can't be an atheist after getting in a subway car with no a/c because u now know hell is real

@desusnice
someone using bare hands to put salad on a plate is letting you know they're not here for discussions about etiquette or anything really

@desusnice
a beer at yankee stadium is like a monthly mortgage payment in any other state

@desusnice
if ur fighting with your bae but sleepy, write what you're mad about on a piece of paper so u can continue in the morning

@desusnice
everytime pitbull performs i get scared because i probably know the words from drunken bar nights

@desusnice
twitter might remove the 140 character limit so i'm putting some 800 word tweets with character development & plot twists in my drafts