Aug 26 2011 Reply Favorite Retweet @gotmyhairdid I'm starting a magazine called "Jugs". It's mostly about pottery.
Jul 30 2011 Reply Favorite Retweet @gotmyhairdid Stranger with a black eye is trying to talk to me. But I'm not going to respond cause it's pretty apparent she doesn't listen.
May 16 2011 Reply Favorite Retweet @gotmyhairdid I hate waiting in lines. Hurry up and pick a suspect already.
Apr 10 2011 Reply Favorite Retweet @gotmyhairdid Cops: "Please step out of the car" Me: "I can't. I'm drunk. You get in."
Mar 1 2011 Reply Favorite Retweet @gotmyhairdid They should make a medal for anyone who uses a whole tube of chapstick before losing it.
Feb 22 2011 Reply Favorite Retweet @gotmyhairdid Just changed my dating profile headline to: "Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives" ...crossing my fingers