@iwearaonesie
Accidentally told the dog she’s my favorite in front of my kids again

@iwearaonesie
I have nothing in common with anyone who can walk by a dog and not say “Hi”

@iwearaonesie
My toddler just yelled, “I’m not crazy!” at whoever he was pretending to talk to on his phone

@iwearaonesie
me [filing a claim with the insurance company after the basement flooded] We had a pony down there too

@iwearaonesie
*walks into Walmart wearing pants* Walmart employee: Shit, corporate's here