@michaelianblack
In the last year, I've eaten in a restaurant fewer times than the president has been impeached.

@michaelianblack
If you are the one who stole my computer yesterday, please disregard the folder labeled, "Nature photographs." Thanks.

@michaelianblack
Nicorette should sponsor the color of Boehner's skin.

@michaelianblack
If the election were held today, a lot of people would be like, "I thought the election was on November 6th."

@michaelianblack
As with the Olympics, my favorite part of the DNC are the videos that come before the actual events. #dnc

@michaelianblack
If Biden doesn't get a slot on "Dancing With the Stars" after this speech, there is no America.