@biorhythmist
Jimmy Eat World Jimmy Sorry Jimmy Not Know You Were Saving It Jimmy Pick Up Another One On The Way Home

@biorhythmist
My nutritionist said that instead of eating three big cheeseburgers I should have multiple, smaller cheeseburgers throughout the day

@biorhythmist
Girl are you a tube of Pillsbury cinnamon rolls because I want to bang you on the counter

@biorhythmist
She said "Hand me that oven mitt" and as he pretended to try to lift the whole stove, the Romneys laughed, but not quite as much this year.

@biorhythmist
"I'm so hard right now" - math

@biorhythmist
Why do hot dogs come in packs of 8 but my dad left us when I was 6?