@sammyrhodes
New study finds that everyone you disagree with is like so, so stupid.

@sammyrhodes
Introverts don’t get ready for a party. They gather strength for a party.

@sammyrhodes
Used lettuce for my burger bun tonight. I've never been more prepared to become your most hated Facebook friend.

@sammyrhodes
Pretzels come in twist shape because the twist is how disappointed you are in your snack.

@sammyrhodes
If you don't need to change shirts after eating a hot dog you're not doing it right.

@sammyrhodes
Introverts should get a 26.2 sticker for when they have to talk on the phone multiple times in a day.