@yoyoha
Politics is an "I'm not an asshole" contest for assholes.

@donaldglover
A "racist rapist" sounds worse than a regular rapist when u first hear it, but it's actually better cause less people get raped.

@Jose_Andino13
I have a life besides Twitter. Like this one time that I take a walk into the woods but then realize there was no wifi & I began to panic.

@nice_mustard
what idiot named them diet pills instead of girth control

@hipstermermaid
Sorry to interrupt, but the personal story you're in the middle of telling reminds me of how much I love attention.

@dubstep4dads
*40 years pass* *finally thinks of a good joke* more like stink 182! "grandpa what are you talking about"