@Qu4rtKn33
I'M RAGING AGAINST THE MACHINE! Okay, I'm just frustrated with this copier, but I sighed pretty loud, so I think it knows how I feel!

@robdelaney
People forget that Hitler also invented those subscription cards that fall out of magazines.

@jmabell
I now determine the days of the week based on Twitter. Is it Follow Friday yet?

@Schmoodles
Everyone needs a three hour nap after their breakfast pizza, right?

@MauriceBlitz
Couldn't afford a butterfly knife, so I got a caterpillar one. Now, I wait.

@Mainstream_Man
Gas is $4 a gallon and girls still think we're coming over to just "chill."