@OneFunnyBastard
What are we gonna do with all this extra cocaine? The previous sentence has never been spoken in the history of earth

@chopper4jk
I put an energy drink in my hummingbird feeder, now all my hummingbirds are going back in time and returning with tiny top hats.

@jorshuwah
Idea for Big Brother: 7 fundamentalists from 7 different religions with 7 unique deadly weapons plus 1 very cute koala who knows kung fu.

@ReginaGeoorge
If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.

@chrisdelia
I just saw a girl pay for a drink. Is everyone okay?

@juskewitch
Is it normal for a doctor who sees your penis to yell "MAGNIFICENT!" --it's not, right?