@Jason_maybe
Nothing sets a bad precedence like your boss catching you actually working.

@Jason_maybe
If Oedipus was alive today he would've killed his mother for nagging and moved to California and married his father.

@Jason_maybe
Who needs a security system when you can just Google Earth your house and keep hitting refresh.

@Jason_maybe
The problem with cuddling in bed with your true love is that iPhones don't cuddle back.

@Jason_maybe
I buy bags of Halloween candy and boxes of razor blazes just to see the look on the cashier's face.

@Jason_maybe
Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful.