@andylassner
Thanks to the internet I know the actual medical terms for all the ailments that I'm positive I'm dying from.

@andylassner
Thanks to twitter the approval of family and friends has taken a backseat to the approval of strangers on the Internet.

@andylassner
I just want to win the Powerball lottery and eat unlimited carbs for the rest of my days.

@andylassner
Today I officially hit the "I guess these shrank in the dryer" phase of my weight gain denial.

@andylassner
"I never weigh myself" -People who weigh themselves daily

@andylassner
A 3-foot long chocolate bar is "fun size" not a 2-inch one. I'm not afraid to be controversial.