@chelseaperetti
Weddings r cool bc u can cry in public about other stuff as long as u look in the general direction of the bride + groom

@chelseaperetti
Sometimes, late at night, I stare out the window at the stars and think about all the airlines that have wronged me...

@chelseaperetti
Did u guys know u can smoke Newports on Delta flights

@chelseaperetti
When I'm furious at another driver I roll down my window, thrust my head out & whisper "wow you drive really inconsiderate" into the wind

@chelseaperetti
What if texting broke for a month society would be like uhhhhhjjjjjjhhhhhhhhhhh "hello may I please speak to so and so" all nervous and shit

@chelseaperetti
Did you know: the average American spends 8,000 years of their life refilling Brita water pitchers.